


Harley and Diana Team Up To Save The World...not

by SixofCrowsBabies



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, I acted this out with dolls, Lots of injuries and blood, Multi, Poor Diana, Steve Is Alive, Steve is clueless, curly hair!harley, dont judge me, non canon Harley design, pretty much Steve and Diana from the movies, she got dragged into this, teaming up, this follows no one storyline in particular, yes i did that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 06:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SixofCrowsBabies/pseuds/SixofCrowsBabies
Summary: After Diana finds Harley injured, she takes her in. Harley heals soon and takes a liking to the Amazon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much a crack story, but hopefully it'll at least be fun to read...or something...Also this is my own version of Harley, based on the doll I used when I acted this out in my room with dolls. Yes I actually did that, where do you think I get my ideas from?

Diana was utterly exhausted and just wanted to go home. She had been dragged to a gala by Bruce, and it was just as miserable as they always were. But she had to make an appearance. 

She wore a periwinkle blue gown with a long train on one shoulder and pleats over her legs;it was nearly identical to the one she had worn a hundred years ago. Now she just had to back to the apartment she shared with Steve, and then she could relax and sleep. 

She gasped as she stepped on something in the sidewalk. It was a person. 

The girl was laying on her back, sprawled out a little bit, mouth hanging open and a vacant look in her blue eyes. There was a huge blood stain over her chest, with more seeping out. Diana guessed that she'd been stabbed, since she was still alive. 

But Diana recognized those blue eyes, the tattoos on her arms and legs. The poufy, curly blonde hair with red tips that looked eerily similar to the blood. The slim body, tall by mortal standards but short to Diana. 

It was Harley Quinn. 

She was just wearing a tank top and cutoff jean shorts. Unarmed. Normal clothes, not a villain's outfit. She had been stabbed when she was a normal person. 

Harley blinked slowly and moved her head a little to look at Diana. No emotions flashed on her face. 

Diana knew that Harley was bad, that the world would be better off without her. But Diana may as well be responsible for her death if she didn't at least try to help her. 

With barely any hesitation, Diana scooped Harley up and started running back to her apartment. 

 

She got to the apartment door and banged on it rapidly. Harley was losing blood fast, and Diana didn't want her to die just because she didn't have time to fish out her keys. 

Steve came to the door a few seconds later, hair rumpled, eyes bleary. His eyes widened when he saw Harley. 

"I believe she got stabbed," Diana stated, already moving to the kitchen counter. 

But Steve didn't seem to realize who she was, just that she was a girl who was bleeding out. 

Diana ordered him to get the bandages and other medical supplies while she tried to stanch the bleeding. She removed Harley's tank top, revealing a bra that was nearly cut in half and covered in blood. She grabbed some clean kitchen towels and pressed down on the wound. The towels were soaked in minutes. Steve came back with the first aid kit and roll of bandages, and Diana pressed a little harder on the wound. The blood was slowly stanching. Once it was done gushing, she carefully cleaned the wound for infections. Harley flinched a few times, but was mostly almost comatose. Diana tried to keep her that way, since she knew that Harley probably couldn't even afford to let her heart stop for two seconds while she sneezed. 

They finished bandaging the wound, then moved Harley to the floor, on top of an old towel so they could throw it away if she bled on it. Diana tucked a pillow under her head, then they just stepped back and let her sleep. 

"She looks kinda familiar," Steve observed. 

Diana didn't want to tell him, just in case, so she just shrugged and said, "Well, I am sure there are a lot of people that look like her. We live in a big city, after all."

Steve nodded. They watched Harley sleep for a minute or so, then Steve went back to bed while Diana took off her makeup and got ready for bed. She was even more fatigued than she was before, and she just wanted sleep. 

But she couldn't help but smile a little as she watched the life she just saved sleeping peacefully on a towel in the living room. 

 


	2. LADY CALM DOWN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley wakes up and heals from her wound quickly, which leaves her nothing to do but annoy Diana and Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna update this a lot, and just a reminder it's crack, so yeah. Also I know that Harley did not get healing powers ever in the comics, but this is kinda my own version of her, so why not.

Diana slept in the next morning. She was in the middle of a very good dream when Steve woke her up. 

"She's awake," he stated. 

Diana got up in a hurry and went to the living room. 

Harley was awake and looking around rapidly. Diana knelt next to her and said, "You got stabbed. We saved you." 

Harley blinked a few more times, then just nodded and put her head back down. 

"Okay, let's see, you'll probably need at least a  few weeks to rest," Diana muttered. 

"No I don't," Harley exclaimed. Steve and Diana startled. She talked so...loud and high pitched. Right after a stab wound. 

"Ivy gave me this toxin or something a while back, was a little painful going down but worth it because I got immunity to poison and healing powers and stuff," Harley stated. Diana wondered how people put up with her on a day to day basis. 

"Do you feel like you can stand," the Amazon asked cautiously. "You don't have to, I'm just..."

But Harley was already sitting upright and starting to stand up. She got on her feet and clapped a little. 

She looked at Diana, smiling, and said, "See! Healing powers!" 

Steve and Diana tried to get her to sit back down, but the blonde was already walking around, skipping a little sometimes. Her hair moved as one solid mass and bounced every time she skipped. The red tips were uneven, and some of them went all the way to her roots while others barely touched a part of her hair. She had probably done the color herself, very badly. 

She was a few inches shorter than Diana, tall by mortal standards but not hers. Many Amazons were taller than six feet. Harley was also skinny but she had muscle, Diana could tell. The blonde either didn't notice or didn't care that she was only wearing her shorts and a ripped up bra that was in immediate danger of falling off. 

Diana didn't think it was right to give Harley back her bloody, torn tank top, so she found an old shirt of hers that was short and gave it to her. The villain put it on just as her bra finally gave way. She looked down, then just shrugged and kept skipping around. 

"What size are you," asked the Amazon. 

"2," Harley answered. 

"I'm going to go buy her some clothes," Diana said to Steve. "You're on babysitting duty." 

She grabbed her purse and closed the door before Steve could protest. He sighed, then went and sat down on the couch. 

"So," he said awkwardly. "What's your name?" 

"Harley," she replied. 

"Steve," he said. He stuck out his hand, and Harley bent over at the waist and dramatically shook it. 

Steve still wasn't making the connection, although he had been out of the loop for a while. 

He was getting tired just watching her prance around, so he turned on the TV and watched the news for a bit. 

"Oh yeah," she said. He looked at her. 

"I gotta call Ivy," she exclaimed. "Can I borrow your phone charger? Mine's probably dead." 

She didn't have the newest phone, it was a few years old now, but still sleek and modern. When he came back with a charger, she immediately took it and skipped to another room. 

Steve was glad about that. He watched TV in peace for several minutes, until Harley came back out and Diana got back at the exact same time. 

"I got you some clothes," Diana said to Harley. "Hopefully these will do for now."

She held them out to Harley, who took the whole pile and went to another room to change. 

She came back out in red short shorts and a black crop top. It suited her perfectly, and she twirled around a few times and bounced up and down on her toes.

"Thanks a million," she said to Diana. "I think it's officially time to get rid of that old shirt and bra." 

She glanced towards the pile of bloody fabric shreds that had been her top. Diana nodded and threw them in the trash immediately. 

"Oh, and," Harley started, a little more sheepish this time. "Thanks for saving my life and everything. I appreciate it." 

The sincere words sounded a little strange with her Brooklyn accent, but they meant the same to Diana. The Amazon replied, "The pleasure is mine," and went to join Steve on the couch. 

Harley didn't know what to do, so she went exploring and found a guest room that she guessed would be hers. She sat on the large bed and rolled around for a minute, then realized that kinda hurt and just sat and stared out the window. 

She didn't recognize Diana, which was probably a good thing. A hero and a villain were just a few feet away from each other. Living under the same roof for who knows how long. 


	3. HOLY-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley finally realizes who saved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, a chapter where they act kinda suderheroish and Harley annoys the heck out of Diana.

Diana pushed the secret panel in her closet door. Her superhero outfit was behind it. 

She stared at it for a second, then decided she shouldn't put it on for her next mission. She decided on a red shirt that had flared sleeves and blue shorts. She didn't want to stand out for this one. 

Just as she was about to sneak out, Harley popped out from the guest room and saw her. 

"Oh-ho, um," Diana said awkwardly. She really didn't want Harley to know what she was doing. "Hi Harley." 

"Hiya," Harley replied. "Nice outfit. It's like casual Wonder Woman." 

She looked at Diana, then seemed to make the connection and gasped, her blue eyes wide as the moon. 

"Holy-" she started, but Diana quickly shushed her. 

"You're-," Harley started, but Diana shushed her again. 

"I know who you are too," said Diana. "I could turn you in to the cops like I know I should. But I won't. Not yet at least."

Harley nodded vigorously, fear in her eyes. Although that was kinda how she looked all the time. 

"Why did," the blonde started. "Why'd ya save me? Or why not just fix me then send me right to jail?" 

"Because I have principles," Diana replied immediately. "Plus there hasn't really been anything in the news about you recently. You've been good."

Harley seemed to light up at that. She nodded again, a huge smile on her face. She had put her hair in pigtails that day, and they bounced a little when she nodded. 

"Now, don't tell anyone," the Amazon started, but Harley interrupted and said loudly, "Don't worry, I won't tell _anyone!_  Your secret, whatever it may be, is safe with me!" 

Diana considered the woman before her, then agreed that she could trust her. 

"I'm going out," she said. 

"Bye-a," Harley said, bending over a little and waved. Diana waved back, less extravagantly, and left, making sure to lock the door. 

But Harley couldn't resist a little mischief. She waited a few seconds, then left the apartment to follow Diana. 

 


End file.
